My 10th blog post.

This is going to be very mediocre, ahha. I'm really sorry I can't write on here as much as i would want too. I want to tell you about everything that is happening but it's all just so much! It's hard to write about my experiences everyday, as much  i would want too, my time is occupied. Basically, this post is about how i can hardly find time to get on here because of life situations, it counts though, right? hahaha 

The night is always young,

      My days usually consist of me running up and down all over Los Angeles. I get my breaks through the periodic breathing that i do throughout the hours. It seems that i begin my day at night. I get home around 9, no earlier than 6. I have video shoots to plan for, non-violence training i need to prep for, and homework that needs to be done. There is so much chaos that i can really lose my cool. I've mentioned this particular state of chaos in my blogs before, it's getting worse--my car broke down. I've been dealing with this issue for the past few days by having to walk, bus, or borrow my roommates car so i can get around. It's tough. I have a lot on my plate but i still remember to keep my cool. I haven't been getting much support from my family either. The relationship with my mother has been on the rocks for a while now. It's hard having to deal with her concerns about me, everything i do makes her worried, and she won't get off my back for it. Logically, i can understand where she is coming from because she is a mother and that's her job. I moved out so, it's rough on her because she feels alone. What can i do? I am growing up and this is suppose to happen -- move out, make your mistakes, learn, and grow. It's not easy but I'm learning each day and I'm doing the best i can! My mom and I may not understand each other right now, but hopefully as the days go by we'll be able to reconcile. I'm going to work towards that day. The night is young, i must continue writing! It's a great meditation.            

Afternoon!

Oh boy, another fast-pace start to the day. I had class in the morning, learned about some Eastern Philosophy, and now i find myself here writing! I have a ways to go with the day. I have to get my car fixed, get some homework done, and then go to English, ( I get to see you today! ahaha.) Long day, but it'll be productive.   

I'm adventurous.
I'll always dive into the unknown, casually.
Balanced and all, the darkness will always chill my bones.
That's what i do it for. 











My soul is a ramblin' soul, it rides the winds and flows with the current of the stream, never going against it. It seems that change is the only constant in this world. Change with it. In a world of chaos, find your peace. Experience the world as it comes, try new experiences, be adventurous.

Do I sound mad?

"Leave me never would you, you show could I if

She said that she still wants a friendship
She can't live her life without me as a friend
I can't figure out why I'd give a damn to what she wants
I don't understand the now before the then

Most of this garbage I write
That these people seem to like
Is about you
And how I let you infect my life
And if they got to know you
I doubt that they would see it
They'd wonder what i showed you
How you could leave it
A friend in Chicago said that I should stay persistent
If I stay around I'm bound to break resistance
Fuck you, Lucy, for defining my existence
Fuck you and your differences

Ever since I was a young lad
With a part-time dad
It was hard to find happiness inside of what I had
I studied my mother
I digested her pain
And vowed no woman on my path would have to walk the same
Travel like sound across the fate ladder
I travel with spoon to mix this cake batter
And i travel with feels so i can deal with touch
It's like that
Thank you very much
Fuck you very much

Yes
Yes it is

And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Yes
Yes it is

And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Fuck the what happened
I got stuck
They can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck
Used to walk with luck
Used to hold her hand
Fell behind and played the role of a slower man
I wanna stand on top of this mountain and yell
I wanna wake up and break up this lake of hell
I feel like a bitch for letting the sheet twist me up
The last star fighter is wounded time to give it up
On a pick it up mission
Kept it bitter
Getting in a million memories just to forget her
The difficulty in keeping emotions controlled
Cookies for the road
Took me by the soul
Hunger for the drama
Hunger for the nurture
Gonna take it further
The hurt feels like murder
Interpret
The eyes
Read the lines on her face
The sunshine is fake
How much time did i waste?
Fuck you, Lucy, for leaving me
Fuck you, Lucy, for not needin' me
I wanna say fuck you
Because i still love you
No, I'm not OK
And I don't know what to do

Yes
Yes it is

And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Yes
Yes it is
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Do I sound mad?
Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point
Five points make a fist
You close 'em
You swing 'em
It hurts when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch
But if the boot fits
I got an idea
You should get a tattoo that says "Warning"
That's all, just a warning
So the potential victim
Can take a left and safe breath
And avoid you
Sober and upset in the morning
I wanna scream "Fuck you, Lucy!"
But the problem is I love you, Lucy
So instead
I'm gonna finish my drink and have another
While you think about how you used to be my lover
(Fuck you)

Yes
Yes it is

And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Yes
Yes it is

And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Leave never would you, you show could I if..." - Atmosphere

    I know M.L.A format but I'm not going to follow it for this post, in fact i may make a lot of mistakes but whatever, i really want to get out what im feeling through writing, right now - it may get dark. When you read these lyrics you'll find that he is talking about his co-dependency on things whether it be his girlfriend or some kind of drug. When you hear him rapping in this song...it's powerful...and i feel his passion. I get that with all kinds of music. Ugh, it's dark and a part of me loves to accept that...a big part of me actually. I don't feed off of sadness nor do i fend it off. I can explain why i feel so chaotic but for what? It doesn't do me any good; I'm just experiencing  a cluttered mind from things i have not let go of. At this moment part of letting go is writing this right now. I can admit that i am hurt and accept it but letting go is another thing. Love. Life. She hurt me bad, man. Yeah, yeah, either way it's going to be okay, it all passes in time.


For the reader ;) I hope i didn't creep/weird you out with this rant, my mind just went there, lol. I had too. Plus i need to catch up. You might not like rap music, so i don't know if  the song will resonate with you, but i'm sure you've had some heart-break. You'll feel me, i'm sure ahah

feeling good.

Life, thank you for today. Your light shined, now darkness follows; a great day, indeed. You passed us by and blessed us with new birth, as well as death. Today, we celebrate our new beginnings and welcome the dawn of the unknown. I am grateful for you, friends. Life, you've truly blessed me.

Oy!

     Get money out of politics! Yes, sir! I like the sound of this. Tomorrow, i will be doing a shoot for an organization that is in solidarity with the 99%, aka Occupy Los Angeles. I've been in involved with the occupation since day one, it's been  hell of a ride.. I became part of their actions committee as an organizer and blogged for their social media team. Every weekend i lived, worked, slept, and ate at City Hall. We dealt with a lot of crap. I realized how fucked up our government was at six-teen; the lies they feed through the media; the debt trap our government has implemented on our country through a central banking system; the constant fear mongering, and our failed political system led me to rebel. I had been waiting years for something like this to come along, i couldn't pass up the opportunity! Occupy has opened up many doors for me: I built strong relationships with people, I developed more organizational skills, and it guaranteed me a spot in a video campaign for "Get Money Out of Politics" by the 99%! Occupy has inspired me to speak up and make my voice be heard. For the first time ever, i was in a studio with make-up on (which made me feel weird), and lots of cameras. My message was simple: 
If money is running our country and the rich man's root of greed is money, then wouldn't it be safe to say that most of our ruling elite care about their personal agendas rather then our well being. Take a look at skid row and other projects across the country - I'm not being the judge here, I'm just observing the world we live in and i must say, it's pretty horrendous. We have a say in it, however. We can make the change ourselves by speaking up for ourselves. The change starts with you!  

The Veggie Grill!

    I can't even think about how my days are going, it seems like everything is happening so fast that time feels illusory. I can feel my experiences of course, but my body and mind just don't feel connected to a particular time pattern. I have a set schedule in school that coincide with my work schedule! I had to move out of my moms place in order to get classes at Valley and be closer to my job. The Veggie Grill is a vegan restaurant that i work in, it's W.E.H.O - West Hollywood. Very interesting vibes there, i used to work for J.P Morgan Chase as a teller, so it's a different environment from Veggie Grill, especially because it was a REALLY slow branch.This new setting in my life has shot me out of a cannon and I'm flying fast. SO, fast that my time feels distorted. It's eleven forty eight in the evening and I'm up. It's crazy, haha. You know, I'm an adventurous guy, i take mindful steps towards everything i come across and this experience requires just that. I can't go crazy right now not under all the pressure, this is the time when you harness all of your energy to center yourself and be calm within the storm. It's great really, i have no issues balancing all of these aspects of my life. I can watch time go by me and be completely calm. B A L A N C E. That's key, man.     

Why does love taste good?

     Ahhh, to be young and in love - what a fairy-tale, ey?  Love has always been a tricky topic for people; there's so many kinds of love out there that the word itself has become distorted. It's hard to figure out whether or not people actually mean it now-a-days because of how loosely it's thrown around. You'll always hear someone say how much they love a certain product or food,  like if it were nothing. Is there a difference in meaning when people say, i love you as oppose to saying, i love chocolate? We seem to use it because of how the word expresses our passion about a particular thing. However, it seems to change when it involves human relation; when it comes to saying i love you to a stranger, that won't happen. We can express how passionate we are about chocolate but not about people we don't know. Yes, there is a distinction between chocolate and a human being but there is a great quote that allowed me to see how they could be inter-changeable: "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together." It might sound cliche that i am quoting The Beatles but taking the statement into consideration, i feel John is saying that we are all one here.
      Okay, so, i jumped into an extremely interesting concept here by stating that every living entity is a part of a collective consciousness, that is our universe, which so happens to be love. We can say i love you to meaningless things but when we say i love you to a human being all of a sudden there is meaning and we are careful about how we express it. However, if we all are made of the same thing - love - then doesn't that mean we are just as meaningful as the feces we flush down the toilet? I love that just as much as i love chocolate, haha. It's true, I am a part of those things, i am in love. It's interesting to think that we share such a magnificent world together but yet we can't share our love together. To be in love; to be one with it all; it sounds like such a fairy-tale. All i know is that i love chocolate, therefore, i love you.  

     

It's 3 am.

      I love that i will be ending my night by adding a couple of words into this blog---feels great to write!
I wrote down something i often think about today in class and i read it out loud, my thoughts on that? I'm pretty sure people thought i was fucking weird, haha. It's a good thing though, i like being the weird, mysterious guy if that's how you want to put it. I do not think of myself to be that way but I've heard people say i give off that vibe. It's a fallacy though.
      I often think about the deeper meaning of life and i try to express them through words which i find to be pointless. Why? Well, i feel that life just can't be summed up into words. It does not do it justice. I can describe the most beautiful beach on this planet, how it looked, the way it smelled, and how it felt, but those words will never give you the experience of that beach. Words are nothing but symbols and character texts that point to the picture but are not the picture itself.
     Today, I wrote about my experience and what i often feel throughout the day; it may have sounded a bit pessimistic because i talked about death but i do not look at it that way. I wrote about an experience, not a concept, or an idea; it was about what life brings. Which entails me to say: "Words are traps but I'll use them to show you the trap." I'm out there, for sure. This may not make much sense to anyone reading this and it doesn't have too. I'll be in my own little world if you'd like a more clarification but a expect a simple answer.