i'm five short

Soooo, there has been so much shit with occupy and may day, that i have no idea where the time went.
Tuesday general strike! <3

Saturdayyy

I'm staying in for most of the day, i have a paper to write...horrible -_-
Later, i should be out in LA getting some wurstkouche, its a German bratwurst place, BEEER!
hahaha. Should be nice to see all my friends, i need too.

Im not trying to half ass it, i swear..

I really do not have much to say, plus my fingers hurt from playing bass. The band is going great, i am taking pictures with them tomorrow..0_o band pictures...interesting. hahaha. My days have been coming along, i have  a lot of plans that need work on; i am motivating myself to keep on them. There is much that needs to be done. Every day is different, thank god; i am feeling very indifferent about certain things...ehh, but no matter what, still letting it be! 2 am, i need sleep.

I love her! The new album is amazing! I'm going to be writing my paper, while listening to her, should be a good day!

4 am

I do not know if an insomniac or i just have to much to think about before i go to sleep. I just had a mini argument with my mom, yes! 4 am conversations about shit that does not matter. -_- Ugh, why do people judge? My mom is so stressed out about bills that she takes it out on me, it is not my fault shit is like this, maybe she should just go out and occupy. im delirious and im speaking nonsense, i have no clue as to why i am up, but i am...ohhh boy.

Why your eyes our windows to my soul

Eyes our windows to the soul.
They reflect the ever changing moment occurring in the universe.
Eyes show us star dust, star clusters, galaxies; they are crystal balls
that reflect our environment.
They are precious jewels to the soul.
Look into them.

Friends

I could not be more grateful for my friends, even the ones i do not talk to often. My friends that do not completely understand me are the best ones, because i feel myself being so open to their own ways of life. I am so happy knowing that every experience that i have shared with people resides in my heart; my experiences with them have shaped me into the person i am today. Even if it is a person i have met once, it is still a connection and i am still sharing a moment with you that means the world to me. We meet and greet for a reason, it is to see how we are all interconnected. Whether we share our lives stories or not, you come from the same essence. Love, Love, Love, that is our interconnectedness.

Taking it so much better than expected

Observing your feelings after a situation that has had a deep emotional impact is hard for most people. When we hurt we tend to hide by projecting out insecurities on to others---of course i am speaking from experience. We tend to either lash out by victimizing ourselves, getting lost with our friends with drug use, or partying constantly; finding a quickie so we get rid of the lonely feeling; or just being a workaholic so you can forget your misery. We may not admit it but our motives at times can be very obscured  by our habitual patterns of unfulfillment or emptiness. The more we fall into the trap set up by ourselves, the more our lives become diluted. We search outside of ourselves in order to be satisfied, this is the case with most relationships too. We want people to tend to a certain image so we can fully be in love. Truth is: we are insecure; we do not trust nor love ourselves enough to be unconditional. It is so hard for people to observe this in themselves. We can not face ourselves with the truth because we are afraid of dealing with our insecurities. Instead of dealing with this and turning inward, we turn outward and dilute ourselves by searching for love. One can not search for love, that's is ridiculous, if you knew yourself you would know that this is something you already have; if you knew yourself you would know, everything you are searching for is inside of you. It is until one realizes this that a relationship can be healthy. It takes observation in order to understand that everything you want is stored in your being, it is waiting for you to harness it. Go within so you can stop this vicious pattern. Do yourself a favor, stop projecting outward and go inward. 

We dont pay too much attention :/

http://framework.latimes.com/2012/04/25/armenian-genocide/#/0 We should really pay more attention to the amount of suffering people have gone through. It's a shame that people still dont see the effects of genocide.

btw, i have no idea how many blogs i have, and i have no clue whether or not i will be able to complete all of them by this monday. Im so fucked. I guess only time will tell, it sure aint on my side, though. mreh.

Part one...? Maybe..

There is so much to say, but i do not know whether or not i should put it all in one blog. Plus, it is so late, that i should be getting sleep---whatever. I do not want to vague and not give details, but time has a hold on me so, i might just have to be. It seems like that is always the case. I guess, that is one thing i have to get better at...planning? No, i am organized, just always caught up in every moment i am. When i get involved into each moment, i get involved--i dive right into it! There was much that i needed to get situated, i needed to balance out my finances concerning my mom. I figured living on my own can wait. Honestly, i know by the end of summer i will probably be gone. I want to go out of the country in order to find a great monastery somewhere in Southeastern Asia, but i also found a great school in Colorado that incorporates Buddhist teachings into its curriculum--- which means i can go to school and still get a great in depth look on Buddhism. I am set on pursuing either of the two, both seem like a great option. It is a great change in environment, there are other places that need to be explored; other people to meet and connect with; experiences with valuable lessons in store; i love the sound of the experience. I am not trying to escape my environment, but realizing that there are other places that call to me. This place has been great, but i have grown out of it. It is a symbol of everything i am growing out of. Although, I do acknowledge that everywhere i go: it is all the same land; change is constant in this land, thus, i move with the change. Believe me when i say, there has been some major changes. The echoes of my last relationship still vibrate in my heart cave; the sound resonating, shaking my bones to the core. It lingers and it becomes stagnant after a while. I do not hold remorse towards this in anyway; i just feel the hurt that we have caused ourselves, as i know she is probably still hurting after finding out what she has been up to lately. There has never been a "getting over someone" phase for me. I do not look at is as if i am passing the person to their next partner so, i can also have my share. My process is completely different from that of the status quo. She quickly went on the rebound, but my contentedness led to my acceptance of being alone with myself. I am so content with her happiness, our happiness, that i can not criticize her---to each his own. I took it so much better than expected. There is so much more to write, but i will be calling it a night, school in the morning. Hopefully, i get to see you tomorrow!     

Woaaah!

I have not been on this for awhile now, i am such a bad student. Haha. I will probably give you a whole re-cap of all the crazy adventures i have been through, tonight. Its certainly been an interesting last couple weeks. From finding out shit i did not really need to know, to getting a job and re-joining the "real" world. Meh, all in all, i can not complain (totally my motto),  just rolling with the punches and taking everything as it comes. I do have interesting stories though, can not wait to share!

newkicks

Never thought i would see myself in a band, it is quite interesting.
I love the direction that it is going, i can grow from this. I'm playing the bass, which
i have never played before--picked it up pretty fast though. I'm looking forward to it.
The band is sticking to mostly indie/folk music, which is right around my alley.
I won't be here for too long to see them progess, but it will be a good venture for the mean time.
Fuck YES.

Here, Here.

Space is empty, so our my words.
Nothing i do or say can bring back the days i try to hold on to so dearly.
Wash away my resistance, for i my pain flows like water.
My emptiness is filled with emotion, yet no words can
explain it. I will let go and float in my space.